Wednesday, 28 October 2009
"Revamping" a turd
I am indebted to a correspondent for alerting me to yesterday's Scottish Labour front bench reshuffle - an event that might otherwise have passed me by, which I think we can all agree would have been a minor tragedy.
As always where Scottish Labour politicians are concerned, the phrase "polishing a turd" springs to mind. And not just any turd; certainly not a fresh, malleable turd ripe with possibilities, warmth and life, even if only of the nasty bacterial kind. No, this is more like a wizened, sun-bleached turd unloaded from the anus of some long-dead pooch fed on remaindered Lidl dogfood and rat droppings, an ossified reproach to the authorities that should really have shovelled it into a skip months ago. But a turd it still, recognisably, is; and seeing as the BBC has seen fit to use the inadvertently hilarious word "revamped" to describe the new lineup, "revamping a turd" we shall henceforth use as our term of art.
The full shadow front bench is here, but don't bother clicking on the link because it's dull as all hell at the other end. Really, all you need to know about the new Labour team is that this woman is Labour's shadow Health Minister:
They say that every nation gets the politicians it deserves, and we must, I suppose, give credit to Scottish Labour for selecting, in Jackie Baillie, a woman who so richly exemplifies the central public health problem with which her department would be required to wrestle. Now, Mr Eugenides is no stranger to the dessert trolley, but then again he is not going around telling people to get off the their fat arses and make a salad. Ms Baillie - each of whose chins is said to have its own postcode - will be doing just that, and so on symbolism alone this appointment has to be judged an epic fail.
Of course, none of this would matter if Jackie Baillie had intellectual heft in proportion to everything else. It is my sad duty to report that this is not so. Judge for yourself, in this clip from an interview defending the lovely Wendy Alexander from the brutish attacks that ultimately brought her low:
Nor is la Baillie the only dim bulb in view. As Jeff notes, Richard Baker has not exactly set the heather alight in his time at Justice - to put it as gently as I can - and of course any team that includes the perenially awful Cathy Jamieson is going to be instant relegation fodder. Regarding Iain Gray himself, perhaps the kindest thing I can say about him would be nothing.
As for the appointment of Pauline McNeill to Culture, I initially thought this was a gigantic joke being played on a gullible media - McNeill being famous, if such is the word, principally for greeting news of her election in 2007 with a bellowing rant into the microphone which had even seasoned Glasgow Labour-watchers gasping in disbelief.
But never let it be said that your scribe is anything but fair. It turns out that Pauline McNeill has a significant cultural hinterland, as this clip from an ersatz Hiroshima commemoration in Glasgow this August amply demonstrates.
If these are the people threatening SNP hegemony north of the border, I don't think Eck should be taking down the curtains in Bute House any time soon.
Labels: Abuse, Nu Lab, Scotland
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Well, Jackie Baillie certainly wasn't chosen for her looks. And if civilisation collapses, then a family of four could happily feast on her carcass for a good few weeks.
If these are the people threatening SNP hegemony north of the border.
Since rigging Glenrothes has been so successful, anything goes.
Since rigging Glenrothes has been so successful, anything goes.
I've never heard of any of them apart from Iain Gray (just about), and Cathy Jamieson because she stood up in the Centrum in Febuary 2003 and told us she'd make sure "this wonderful facility" would be kept open, etc etc.
Needless to say it was a lie - the place was closed that very night and has now been demolished.
Even my youngest son, who was 13 at the time, will never vote for this woman.
Needless to say it was a lie - the place was closed that very night and has now been demolished.
Even my youngest son, who was 13 at the time, will never vote for this woman.
A councillor (SNP) of girth and intelligence very similar to that of Ms Baillie has been appointed to the western isles health board. They're all laughing in our faces.
Thank the Lord for Hadrians Wall. If this is the standard of politicians Labour drags up north of the border, it's just as well there IS devolution.
All we need to do is send the current Scottish shower purporting to be the UK's Government back north and quickly rebuild it. THEN we might get back to something resembling sensible Government in England at least.
All we need to do is send the current Scottish shower purporting to be the UK's Government back north and quickly rebuild it. THEN we might get back to something resembling sensible Government in England at least.
"Really, all you need to know about the new Labour team is that this woman is Labour's shadow Health Minister."
She's not very, umm, healthy looking, is she? The last time I saw that many chins, I was ordering moo goo gai pan...
She's not very, umm, healthy looking, is she? The last time I saw that many chins, I was ordering moo goo gai pan...
Wow....I thought that was hilarious/depressing BEFORE I got to the Hiroshima clip.
I honestly hope that new movie about the world ending in 2012 comes true...soon.
I honestly hope that new movie about the world ending in 2012 comes true...soon.
I've fallen in love with McNeill - she'd be the perfect gal to take home to the parents. Look mum & dad - it's a turd!
Fat pig. I hope her husband was given flour as a wedding present. Oh, and a harpoon, too.
Fried Mars Bar-scoffing, purulent waste of skin. Jackie Baillie is obese. If she cannot control her own impulses to eat anything within her radar, how does this reflect upon how carefully Labour chooses ministers?
Magic word: Labour. Of course they are useless.
Jackie Baillie really needs to find out what salad looks like, although I'd be more than happy to see her die because she's fat.
Fried Mars Bar-scoffing, purulent waste of skin. Jackie Baillie is obese. If she cannot control her own impulses to eat anything within her radar, how does this reflect upon how carefully Labour chooses ministers?
Magic word: Labour. Of course they are useless.
Jackie Baillie really needs to find out what salad looks like, although I'd be more than happy to see her die because she's fat.
I'd dearly love the woman to join those ayrshire nurses you once wrote about in telling people to lose weight. Can you imagine the sheer joy in being stopped by someone who could have plugged up the hole in the ozone layer with her own bottom and listened to her tell you to eat healthy food?
The only exercise I bet that woman gets is dodging salads.
The only exercise I bet that woman gets is dodging salads.
Actually, the dog turd pictured would have been produced by a dog fed a good old bone, and not cheap canned dog food.
Just thought you'd like to know
Just thought you'd like to know
Is it not an owl's pellet? A similar stool to the type in your photo (the first photo) is usually formed following a barium enema.
Yours,
a Doctor.
Yours,
a Doctor.
Actually, I don't think many politicians faced with a guitar thrust into their hands at a public event would ever dare play it never mind sing-a-long so go Polly McNeill she's got guts that one. Shame your sexist rant above can't deal with it.
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