So, the Lisbon Treaty has been ratified by the United Kingdom and now merely awaits Royal Assent.

There were all sorts of weaselly justifications emanating from the Government this week as to why it was necessary to do so even though the Treaty is - supposedly - legally dead, but I strongly feel that some sort of award should be given to Neil Kinnock for this quite superb piece of mental gymnastics in the Lords debate yesterday:

Lord Kinnock: I put to him [Lord Owen] the dilemma that many face regarding how best the United Kingdom can assist our neighbour in the current situation. Is it not better that the treaty is ratified by the United Kingdom Parliament, so putting us in a very strong position to safeguard the interests of Ireland, rather than to put ourselves on the sidelines and thereby add nothing to the strength of Irish arguments?

It's worth repeating this argument. Since the Irish have rejected the Treaty, quoth Kinnock, the best way for us to show our strong support for the Irish "no" is to vote "yes". Quite extraordinary.

Full marks to Lord Pearson of Rannoch, then, who pointed out that at least 12 members of the Lords, including the egregious Kinnock, are in receipt of pensions from the EU, and therefore duty bound to promote Brussels' interest in that chamber. That in turn led to this mighty exchange:

Lord Pearson of Rannoch: I cannot disguise my disappointment that noble Lords in receipt of an EU pension did not, with the notable and honourable exception of the noble Lord, Lord Williamson, see fit to declare that interest in all our debates. I refer your Lordships to our debate on 19 July 2007 when we debated why they should have done so.

In summary, the reason why I and my Eurosceptic friends believe that noble EU pensioners should declare that interest in our debates is that EU pensions are perhaps unique in that holders can lose them if they fail to uphold the EU’s interests or bring the EU into disrepute.

Our case was unanimously supported by your Lordships’ Sub-Committee on Lords’ Interests, chaired by no less a personage than the former Lord Chief Justice, the noble and learned Lord, Lord Woolf. Then, again I think uniquely, that sub-committee was overruled by our Privileges Committee consisting of party leaders and various prefects of your Lordships’ House for largely spurious reasons.

It is against that background that no fewer than 12 noble EU pensioners have between them played a leading role in our proceedings. [...] If we look at former members of the European Parliament, we have the noble Lords, Lord Dykes, Lord Inglewood, Lord Harrison and Lord Teverson, the noble Baroness, Lady Quin, and the noble Lord who asked the question, the noble Lord, Lord Tomlinson.

...[then] we come to the ex-Commissioners and ex-Commission employees: the noble Lords, Lord Brittan, Lord Clinton-Davis, Lord Kinnock, Lord Patten of Barnes, Lord Richard and Lord Tugendhat. As I say, I would not have named those people, but I think it will help students who read Hansard in future to know that our debates have been influenced to that extent. There can be no doubt that this unseen hand has distorted the quality of our deliberations. I very much regret that.

I conclude with a word of advice to my erstwhile political friends in the Conservative Party.

Lord Kinnock: My Lords, before the noble Lord does so, perhaps I may ask him as a point of honour, since I have been listening to him from beyond the Bar, that when he expresses a desire to ensure that future students have an accurate understanding of what is going on, it is necessary to record, first, that I thought that he was a man of honour and would not give himself to sentiments such as those he has just expressed; and, secondly, that there is nothing that I have ever taken from anyone that would begin to influence the judgment that I exercise as a parliamentarian.

Lord Pearson of Rannoch: My Lords, the noble Lord would say that, wouldn’t he?

Noble Lords: Shame!

Lord Pearson of Rannoch: My Lords, he may well believe it.

Noble Lords: Withdraw!

Lord Pearson of Rannoch: No, my Lords; I do not withdraw the fact that if one is in receipt of a pension that one can lose, it must influence the way in which one thinks and speaks.

Fuck you, Kinnock, he's got your number. You're still on the payroll; still suckling at the teat. So it's hardly surprising you have your masters' best interests at heart and not ours, is it now?